🔗 Share this article

When the story surfaced that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, parents affected by a loved one’s substance use fear the dialogue will focus on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the far more common risks of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” states Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or 48.4 million people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or psychological distress were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”