Evening Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Late-night's top hosts spent their broadcast criticizing former President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa initiative, called the "Trump card," describing it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Spin

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... spoils all he touches."

The focus was the new plan which enables foreign nationals to acquire U.S. residency for an investment of one million dollars, with a "premium" option for $5 million. The program's portal guarantees processing "in record time."

"One thought here to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll numbers during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.